Friendships can add so much beauty, strength and happiness into our lives. Friendships are necessary relationships that makes life amazing. However, friendships can also cause unnecessary stress and drama. Many of us have been in a situation where a friendship has become toxic.
I’ve finally learned what really matters when choosing your tribe. In replacement of the superficial qualities I used to look for in friends, today I prize loyalty, consistency, reliability, honesty, consideration, and generosity above everything else. That being said, sometimes it’s hard to spot if a friend is toxic in your life. Here are a few types of friends you might want to avoid:
#The Energy Vampire
After spending time with this person, you feel drained. The conversation usually revolves around their problems and complaints. They will provide an emotional “dump” on you in order to release and feel better.
#The Manipulator. This is the friend who likes to exploit information, use it against you or others and is only looking out for themselves. This friend will gossip, exaggerate situations, lie and do whatever they can (while seeming like a good and understanding friend) to get their way.
Too much advice is never good, especially from a supposed friend. If you’re keeping this person around because of the other wonderful traits she possesses, tell your friend you don’t want advice unless you ask. Or thank the person without discussing her comments. Another solution? Start analyzing her and she may realize how annoying that can be.
This friend is always unhappy with your accomplishments. He will look upset when you get a promotion. He’ll remind you of the negative traits of your partner when you get engaged. He’ll give you a list of reasons why you shouldn’t go to Italy when you tell him you booked your flight.
This friend is always keeping score and if your tally is not adding up, then they resent you for it. This is the one who deep down is afraid of getting shorted, so they have created coping mechanisms to make sure nobody gets more than what they give. The problem with this type of friend is that their acts of giving do not come from a genuine place.
# Disappearing Act
This person is your BFF when they are single and needs you to be the wing person in order to fill their social calendar. But as soon as they enter a relationship, you drop abruptly to zero priority. Then, the minute they go through a breakup, you’re the person they call to weep and vent to, only for the same cycle of MIA to repeat once they meet their next beau.
From shoplifting and experimenting with drugs to driving recklessly, your daredevil friend’s behavior should raise serious red flags. “You need to protect yourself,” Yager says, adding that you want to encourage your friend to stop her risk-taking ways. But don’t try to change her yourself; more than likely, your friend will need help from a professional therapist. Then tell your friend you’re suspending your relationship until she straightens up.
According to author of Give and Take, by Adam Grant, there are three types of people: takers, givers and matchers. I think that your capacity to give is really determined at a young age, and it becomes a part of your DNA. There are some people, who just constantly take, and that is just their way of life. If you are someone who is always generous and giving, these people will know no bounds when taking from you. They likely don’t even recognize that they are taking as it’s their norm nor is reciprocity a part of their thought process.
#The One Man Show
This person is the star of his or her own show. Therefore, everything from the conversations to the cast (this includes you) must revolve around them. This is the friend who will happily talk for hours about their problems, and when it comes to your turn to talk, they will interrupt and maneuver the conversation to go back to them. This person may be well intentioned, but they cannot help but center everything around “me, me, me”.
#The Drama Queen
This person’s storyline never seems to move past the conflict stage. There is always something that is making them unhappy and there is typically someone to blame. This person chooses drama as an attitude and consequently attracts it and revels in it. They fret over the petty and trivial things and have a way of turning everything into a big deal.
#The Child That Never Grows Up
This person has not learned how to handle his or her emotions and unfortunately, everyone else has to pay the price. This friend lashes out, resorts to passive aggression, or other detrimental coping mechanisms to deal with conflict and disappointment.
There are so many great people who value your time and who are excited to commit to making plans with you, why waste your energy on chasing people who don’t follow through? Sometimes people are going through life stuff that causes them to be unavailable – that is totally understandable.
#The Guilt Tripper
This person has expectations of you and if they are not met, they will make sure you feel the wrath for it. These expectations revolve around them, their phase of life and their wants. Their demands come from a selfish place, and they are so blind sighted with “me” that your interests are put second.
#The Friend Who Secretly Hates You
This friend cheers you on, exclamation points and happy face emoticons included. But in reality, they secretly just don’t like you nor want the best for. Be careful; because these people may want to appear like your friend due to strategic and calculative reasons and will likely mask their true feelings with eagerness and compliments. Your intuition always knows.
Many friendships have been crumpled and crushed, because a best friend hit on a friend’s romantic partner.To avoid making best friends with this type, avoid the sneaky flirts, the sweet talkers and generally, people who try flattering you and talking like you mean the world to them.
You’d be better off with someone who’s more true and down to earth with their claims.
Any kind of competition is healthy in every relationship but when claws start to come out and things get extremely competitive between friends, things can get very ugly.
A friend who constantly borrows your stuff or money or depends too much on you is one that definitely needs to be avoided. No one wants a one sided relationship. If all your friend does is take from you, without giving anything back in the friendship, there’s no point in being friends anymore. If they’re looking for one, tell them to take a one way trip out of your life.
Imitation is considered to be the sincerest form of flattery, but a friend who looks or behaves like your photocopy machine can be very scary.
All of us confide in our friends and ask for advice, but when your BFF starts acting like a paid shrink who always picks flaws in your life or relationships, it can get very annoying and depressing. [Read: When best friends become enemies]
#The Selfish Friend
This type of friend can go to any lengths for their benefit, but behaves passively when you ask for help.
This type of friend is never satisfied with anything they have, and they spend all their time whining and grumbling about how the world is so darn unfair to them. Stay away!
#The Mood Killer
This friend intentionally or unintentionally kills the mood as soon as they enter into a conversation with you. They always seem to find a flaw in anything you do or have, be it your clothes or your love life. They are like the lone dark cloud hovering over you on a sunny day. Nothing positive ever comes out of their mouth. They are never short of sarcastic comments or depressing thoughts.
Have any to add to the list? Add to the list in the comments.