Most of us will have at least one, if not a few, significant relationships during our lifetime. Our first intimate encounters may be more difficult or challenging because we’re new to the experience of forming an intimate bond with another person, and may not really know what we’re doing and what to expect. But time and experience should help us navigate through future relationships in a much better way.
It’s essential to get to know yourself in every possible way before you commit to a relationship.
University students end up committing suicide or even killing their ownusually venture into murky waters of relationships without really getting to know what we to ask the hard questions out of the gate, the first or second time you meet someone, before opinions are solidly formed. Most of us seem to do much better when we have no real expectations of someone, because we hardly know who they are and are not yet trying to impress them.
Relationship is an adventure and before you explore you must have a map.Relationships are complicated, so it makes sense that some so-called deal breakers should be ignored, but some quirks are such bright red flags flapping violently in the wind that they simply must be acknowledged. Whether that means working together on a compromise or accepting that a person is just all wrong for you, here are some neon warning signs to be on the look out for.
#They can’t stop telling you how perfect you are.
It sounds irresistible at first, but there’s nothing more infuriating than being put on a pedestal by a partner. This person doesn’t really see you as you—you’re a projection of some perfect idea they have in their head, and anytime you shatter those expectations by being a normal, flawed, breathing human being, they’re impossible to console. Oh yeah, and someone being that obsessed with you is CREEPY
- Advises you how to dress without your asking for advice
- Pretends to be concerned for your safety or your productive use of time
- Acts like you do not have the ability to make good decisions
- Becomes extremely worried or angry when you are late
- Constantly questions who you spend your time with, what you did/wore/said & where you went
- Insists that you check in constantly
- Monitors your phone/email
- Makes you ask permission to do certain things
#Their sex drive is much higher or lower than yours.
There’s no wrong amount of sex to have (or not have) in life, but it is important that you and your partner have a similar libido or, at the very least, a plan to handle any differences. What if one partner’s vision of an ideal sex life is getting it on nearly every night, while the other is content with having sex just a few times a month? When one partner is constantly initiating sex and the other isn’t in the mood very often, you’re in for a world of crushed egos, hurt feelings, emotional pressure, and resentment from both sides.
#They make you feel stupid.
The Worst People On The Planet are those who gleefully gaslight their partners (read: twisting the truth to make you doubt your sanity, memory or reality.) Other gross tactics include regularly mocking your ideas or refusing to take your opinion seriously because they’re so convinced they can change your mind anyway that they assume they can just skip the whole “valuing your perspective” stuff.
#They refuse to make your relationship public.
Some people simply don’t like splashing their personal life onto social media or even talking much about their feelings with friends, but that’s different from flat-out hiding your partnership, which is about as glaringly red as a flag can get!
#They need constant reassurance.
We are all insecure on some level, and it’s nobody’s fault for feeling that way, but no reassurance from a partner will ever be enough, because those issues live inside the person feeling them. If insecurity dictates a person’s life, it can just as easily dictate their relationship.
#They never apologize
-Just to say sorry,may be they have come visiting you at 5.00pm but they had promised they will visit you at 10.00am .May be due to traffic snull up,the point is before giving reasons they must ‘say sorry for being late’.
The following is an excerpt from Psychology today:
#Lack of communication.
These individuals find it difficult to talk about issues or express how they feel. Often, when it would seem most important to be open and honest, they distance themselves emotionally, leaving their partner hanging, or having to deal with a situation on their own. Often, whatever is “communicated” is expressed through moodiness, and sometimes the dreaded “silent treatment.”
- Irresponsible, immature, and unpredictable. Some people have trouble mastering basic life skills—taking care of themselves, managing their finances and personal space, holding onto a job, and making plans for their life and future. Small crises surrounding the way they live their daily life may take up a lot of time and energy. If so, there may be little time and energy left for you and your issues. These people may still be working on growing up. In other words, it may be hard to rely on them for almost anything.#
- Lack of trust.
- When a person has difficulty being honest with himself or herself, it may be hard for them to be honest with you. Some of this behavior may not be calculated and malicious but simply a learned way or habit of coping. However, being out-and-out lied to is a no-brainer. A person who holds himself or herself unaccountable for their actions lacks integrity and lacks respect for their partner. You may feel, and rightly so, that there are a lot of “missing pieces,” so much that you don’t know or that is purposely hidden from you.
- Controlling behavior. Similarly, a partner may attempt to “divide and conquer,” driving a wedge between you and other significant people in your life. They may be jealous of your ongoing relationships with these people or simply feel the need to control where you go and who you associate with, limiting your world to allow in only what is important to them. Sometimes, they may make you choose them over significant others as an expression of “love.”
- Feeling insecure in the relationship.
- You may often feel that you don’t know where you stand in a relationship. Rather than moving forward, building on shared experiences that should be strengthening your connection, you feel uncomfortable, uncertain, or anxious about where the it’s heading. You may seek reassurances from your partner, but somehow these are only momentary and fleeting. As a result, you may be working double duty to keep the relationship on track while your partner contributes little.
- A dark or secretive past.
- Behaviors that are suspect, illegal activities, and addictive behaviors that haven’t been resolved and continue into your relationship are obvious red flags. But you shouldn’t ignore or excuse anything that strikes you as strange or makes you feel uncomfortable. (Of course, if a person has done the necessary corrective work and continues doing so for their own good and for the good of the relationship, that is a different story.)
- Non-resolution of past relationships. These include not just intimate relationships but those with family members and friends. If a person is unable to evaluate why past relationships haven’t worked out, or consistently blames the other party for all of the problems, you can bet with a great deal of confidence that the same thing could happen with your relationship.
- The relationship is built on the need to feel needed. Often we enter into a relationship strongly identified with our needs. The need may be that you, my partner, must do certain things for me to make me feel secure and satisfied, or that you allow me, your partner, to feel needed by fulfilling your needs. If this dynamic is the focal point of a relationship, however, there may be little room for real growth, individually or as a couple.#Abusive behavior. Finally, and of course, any form of abuse, from the seemingly mild to the overtly obvious—verbal, emotional, psychological, and certainly physical—is not just a red flag but a huge banner telling you to get out immediately and never look back.
A red flag is a good intuitive image to help you process what you’re really feeling. At the end of a difficult relationship, people often say, “He (or she) told me who he (or she) was at the very beginning, but I just didn’t listen.”