Anyway, so I’m sure all of you have some WhatsApp group chats going on in your phone right now. No? You must be a social recluse then. Because even my most anti-social friend sends me screenshots of bitchy WhatsApp group chats that he encounters.
I too actually, have many group chats going on in my phone right now. And over time I have realised that participants in WhatsApp group chats fall into a few distinct categories. So after extensive research and observation, I have come up with a list. And I will call it…
#1. THE GROUP ADMIN.
Maybe not. Unless you’re the group admin. The group admin has power. Or so I like to think. Possibly because I happen to be the group admin of a few WhatsApp group chats, and I like to think I have sole control over these groups that I started. Yes, I can wield the power of adding and deleting people from the Group Chat. I AM POWERFUL, ALL FEAR ME.
Yes, I have some power issues. I feel like I must be in control over things. I think it stems from my failure to be in control of things that really matter. Like you know, my life, my finances, what time I wake up.
#2. THE OVERENTHUSIASTIC REPLIER.
Aka the spammer. This person replies to every single comment in the chat. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. Is it something he is interested in? No. Is it relevant to him? No. Does he know anything about it? No. Does it matter? No.
#3. THE QUIET ONE.
So this person. Never replies. So when she replies, people welcome this person back to the world of WhatsApp.
#4. THE “NO-LINK”.
#5. THE INFORMANT.
So this person provides the group with all the latest gossip news. You don’t know how he/she gets it, but it’s all juicy and scandalous. And accurate. And you have no idea where this person get the news from because usually he/she just sits there and doesn’t talk at all. Maybe it’s one of those “quiet observer” things. I wouldn’t know. I’m not really the quiet observer sort.
#6. THE THERAPIST.
I don’t mean to be a bitch, but sometimes, some people have to shut up. There are many times when there is this person who is too willing to offer their expertise on what people should do with their lives. That they should calm down, embrace entrepreneurship, that I should wear black shorts instead of blue. Like who died and made you the group’s life coach? You’re probably as qualified to dispense advise as I am. (Which is not at all really. Taking my advice on life would be suicide).
So unless you are a qualified psychotherapist or whatever fancy designations that doctors who listen to people talk about their problems have, keep your opinions on my life to yourself. Stop plaguing the group with your nonsense. Unless you’re really hot. Then that would be a different story of course.
By all means yes.
#7. THE PLANNER.
So in the picture above you see Sam, who is trying to get comfortable, Titus, who is playing with my phone, and me. I am obviously reading a book and making plans on where to go next. That makes me the planner of the group, a very important role when you are on a 3 week roadtrip in Morocco.
The planner also plays a pivotal role in WhatsApp group chats. The planner is always a person is possibly more evolved than the rest of the group’s participants. He/she knows that friendship cannot be formed through online communications alone. Humans need to meet physically in order to cement their friendships. And this planner is the one who ensures the continuity of our friendships.
Who, what, where, when, why. He/she has it down to a pat. WhatsApp planners of the world, thank you for helping us all meeting with each other. I appreciate and love you all very much.
#8. THE BITCH.
Much as I like Nicki Minaj, I’d have to disagree. Them bitches are everywhere, criticising everything from the MRT system to CPF, from the queues in Sheng Shiong to the education system. Hi, if I wanted to read chunks upon chunks of negativity, I would go to one of those HardwareZone threads where trolls reside and build myself a permanent residence there. My phone is my refuge, my sanctuary, my haven. It is a place where I can seek solace from the hustle and bustle of everyday life. So when someone floods my WhatsApp group chats with negativity and bitching….
#9. THE IMAGER.
Or the meme spammer. So, okay, I realise that I blog with a lot of memes. But this is my blog. You can choose not to read it. But you know, when someone floods an entire WhatsApp group chat with memes, the poor people in the chat have no choice of their own – they will see your photos and allow their phones to become flooded with stupid images. Like our phones aren’t messy enough. Gah.
#10. THE JUST RIGHT.
So we don’t know for sure, but all WhatsApp users hope to be added to groups with participants who are just right. (Yes, I have just unlocked one of your innermost desires which you previously wasn’t aware of). We all want participants to respond adequately but not too often, to initiate conversation but not too much, and to have just the right amount of snark without being too mean.
Sadly, this concept is as intangible as the unicorns, fairy dust, and work-life balance. But you know, one can always hope.
But the more popular option is just to give up and deal with the annoying people who populate your phone with stupid content.
[19/8/2014 – Edit: I was sourcing for new some photos for a new post when I came across this screenshot. This guys, is the epitome of a good WhatsApp group chat – so effective that it eliminates the use of words.
I would like to clarify that not all our chats go like this. But this is a good Group Chat. Thanks Lyon, Pamy, Amos, Ness, Jason.]
Okay! I have come to the end of the list!